Hey! Wise Advice for My Butthead Neighbour

I am so irritated I could spit. I wish I was the kinda gal who could chill when people are behaving like total a-holes. It’s one thing if smokers want to kill themselves, go around smelling like ashtrays, become a burden on the health care system which our tax dollars are paying for, make their children sick, loose productivity at work because they are outside caging a smoke…wait, that’s more than one thing…the point is, I only believe minimally in smokers rights, because when their addiction impacts ME and invades my personal space, I have to draw the line! The butthead who recently moved in next door (anorexic-looking twit with a 8-4 job, a stupid boyfriend who makes her squeak when they’re having sex, and a cat that I feel VERY sorry for), might be very quiet tenant (except maybe for all the knocking on her door by people using a ’secret code’ on the door seven thousand times a night, golly gee, is she selling drugs too?!), but it turns out the common wall we share, transmits her cigarette smoke. Great. I pay an obscene amount of rent money for my haven, my oasis, my mecca of personal space…and I am forced to suck up the result of HER addiction. Hey Butthead! Capital District Health Authority is giving FREE smoking cessation aids if you join their program. Com’n babe. You can do it! Quit killing yourself and that stupid cat of yours, and most of all, stop irritating ME...and then maybe I won’t be so inclined to use all of the 200 watts of speaker power (‘Van Morrison Live’ tonight) to blast out my frustration. The fact that my window must be open during a wacky March blizzard, just so that I don’t croak, seems a little silly. Sigh. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so touchy about the smoking thing tonight, but this morning, I walked by a Metro Transit bus shelter (ironically, it was outside the hospital), and a bunch of QEII hospital employees were using it as a smoking hut. Very nice. Where are you HRM by law enforcement officers?! You guys just blew a $350.00 fine TIMES at least three or four buttheads! If you added up all the potential butthead infractions and collected the fines, maybe we could afford to run this city efficiently. OK, Now I need to put on some music again…let’s see…I really like that John Mayer CD…

Wise Advice for RCMP

That’s right. I just had to step out of my incognito state. I’ve been away, not dead! Give me a break RCMP! Mr. Robert Dziekanski is dead, however, thanks to a bunch (one in particular) of Tazer-trigger happy goofs (oops, I mean officers) who zapped the life out of this poor Polish guy who simply had the bad luck to choose the Vancouver airport to land in on his first visit to Canadian soil. I guess he never got to the ’soil’ part of Canada. He was too busy wandering aimlessly for a zillion hours, lost, tired, jet-lagged, jonsing for a smoke, in a bloody nightmare welcome to the land-’O-moose- on-a- postcard, imitation- maple- syrup- products-come-Duty Free shops and baggage carousels, trying to get ANYBODY to speak to him in his own language in an INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT! His big mistake was picking up that most dangerous of weapons, the dreaded ’stapler’. Yeah right, coppers, take down this exhausted guy who’s been on a plane for 15 hours and in an airport twilight zone for 18 hours with FIVE TAZER BLASTS! Then, goof around some more (make sure he’s REALLY dead, eh?) while you all try to decide what to say to the boss (that would be the RCMP big cheeses?… then a public Inquiry)…oh, I guess the whole damn country wants to know now, huh? Who would have thought that it would get all blown out of proportion like this?! I bet that’s gonna put a crimp in your Easter holidays. Ah, shucks fellows. You forgot to watch out for the babe walking by with her dreaded cell phone/video camera! May you (especially you, Millington) all get nailed to some big internal cross of conscience come this Easter time as you celebrate the christian tradition. Frankly, I’m not into that ‘jesus rises’ stuff, being a broad-minded, liberal thinking UU and all…but I still like the chocolate. Sigh. I guess I’m back from Hiatus

Quit Crapping Up the Internet!!!

I’ve had it with going through and deleting an endless bunch of smutty, bizarre, horrific and obscene ‘comments’ from my spam queue on this blog and the pile of crap spam e-mails in my various e-mail in boxes. Holy moly! What kind of nut jobs are out there anyway?! Sheesh! Why can’t we patrol the Internet better? I am seriously saddened by some of this. Sure, I KNOW there is child porn, beastiality videos, sales of dangerous miracle cures, whacko ‘employment opportunities’ and other pathetic stuff going on, but REALLY, can you leave me out of it please!? If I get one more unsolicited e-mail from ‘Mr. Gupta’ asking me for money for his charity, or somebody telling me to send  my password and ID to a hotmail account (how lame is THAT!?) I think I will throw a virtual hissy fit.  It’s only moderately soothing to forward the fake banking spam to the web security at the real banks, Paypal or whatever, or to hit reply with a big “F You!” to the password seekers, but this soaks up my time.  Yeah, I love the Internet and the wonderful pile of information at my fingertips…yada, yada… but the phising, spyware and adware, is getting me down.  Frankly,  I can also live without the ‘funny stories’, ‘cute videos’, ‘must try recipes’, ‘chain hugs’, ‘heartwarming poems’, and all the other stuff in the pile of junk that I get from my so-called ‘friends’ e-mail me, day in and day out.  Some people must have time on their hands like warts.

Don’t Sit On the Cat! and Other Advice For Blind People

People ask me all sorts of questions about how I manage to do this,  that and the other thing. Here’s a sample: “How do you cook without burning yourself?”   “How do you know when your period has started?”   “How do you know if the lights are on or off?”  ”Do you ever step/sit on the cat?”  ”How do you know if the food in your ‘fridge is still good?”   “How do you know what bus to get on?” Sigh.  Frankly, I worry about the people that ask these questions. For their benefit, and that of those people with vision loss out there who haven’t quite ‘got it together’ yet, here are a few more tips.  Cooking is fun for me. Sure, it is a bit of a different process. I do not attempt to multi-task when cooking for safety reasons. It is one thing for a sighted person to roam away from a stove-top full of pots to make a phone call or balance their check book, but I like to stick with the task at hand. It is safer to be by the stove and avoid potential a disaster…like setting the kitchen ablaze and ruining dinner in the process. I use larger pots and pans than sighted people might.  This helps avoid overflow when things boil. I use fewer pots, preferring to make many recipes that can be made with one or two pots instead. I prepare ingredients beforehand so that they are ready to add when I need them. My experience as a chef comes in handy some days. I cook effortlessly for the most part. I seem to have an internal guidance system which helps me time things right; set water to boil in huge pot, chop garlic and vegies while waiting, cook pasta (keep lid off and metal spoon to stick in pot  handy to prevent ‘pasta eruptus’ on the stove), drain pasta (into large colander IN sink), put pot back on burner (no need to wash it), add olive oil and garlic (inhale deeply), add vegies in order of ‘cookability’.  OK, I just invented a word, so sue me. I refer to the vegies that take longer to cook, like carrots, celery, turnip… then  stir the cast iron pot (prevents any sticking and cooks evenly), add other vegies (like green beans, zucchini and tomatoes), add spices and minimal vegetable stock.  I  let it simmer for a while. When that’s cooked, I put the multigrain pasta into the mix and stir it up. Voila! I have a big honking pot of tasty, healthy pasta and vegies without need for fuss and 5 hours at the stove. I listen to my talking book or radio while I cook and clean up as I go. If I drop food on the floor,  two things happen; I immediately say “Leave It!” for Opal’s benefit, and then pick it up and toss. Some people find that long oven mitts helpful to avoid burns. I don’t bother, but then I have years of experience. You can buy them through assistive aids sites (like Maxi Aids.com). If I am chopping and need to set down my knife, I slip the blade under the cutting board, so when I come to look for it, there will be no gashed fingers to deal with. I also NEVER put knives or glass items in the sink. These are set aside or washed and put away immediately (Hey! I take blood thinners  and don’t want to spend my day at the ER).  About the funky food in the fridge (FFF). I keep a close ‘eye’ on the contents of my fridge, checking and using items regularly. Like with all my ’stuff’, I keep items in assigned places in the fridge. I label containers of leftovers with a date, though normally, they are eaten within a couple of days or frozen for future use. When in doubt, I enlist someone with sight to scope out the quality of food (usually around the same time they look at my clothing for stains). 

Our cat, little Lucy is a chatty cat most of the time. That’s very helpful for us both. She learned very quickly when she came to live with me, that I can’t see her, and she needs to STAY OUT OF MY WAY!!  Once in a while, she goes incognito and silent (sheesh). You can put a bell on your pet’s collar. I always check the seat which my big butt is about to occupy. This is a good habit for blind people to get into. That way, you avoid sitting on your cat, dog, hairbrush, basket, aunt Mim etc. 

Independent living for a blind person is good and admirable. However, my wise advice? Don’t be an idiot! If you NEED help, ASK for it. Don’t waste your time and elevate your frustration level by worrying about stuff. If you are lost, listen for footsteps and ask the person attached to the legs where you are, or if they can get you  to a point you are familiar with. If you don’ know which bus has pulled up or when to get off it,  ask. If you need to find a washroom anywhere or want a clerk to find something in a store for you…ASK.   Ask with a strong voice, not like a timid mouse. Ask politely but with conviction. It’s OK. 

Lights on or off? check the switches routinely. Or, if you’re feeling wealthy, you can buy a talking light detector. And knowing if your period has arrived? Mercifully, I’m menopausal, but I do remember a time when I used my nose efficiently to detect the distinct odour of blood.

HEY!!! Wise Advice For the IDIOT with the Crazy Sausage Dog!

Hey! Yeah, I’m talking to you, babe… the idiot with the yappy wiener dog that jumped Opal today. I’ve had it with you. If you can’t control that nutty knackwurst, you had better stop walking the same sidewalks that  I’M  walking on with Opal. Maybe you think that you have some kind of god-given right to allow your fat, whiny bratwurst to do whatever the hell it pleases, but I’ve got news for you lady: Next time?, I’m tracking you and that jumbo sausage- on- legs down, and I PROMISE that I will report you to animal control. You are very lucky that I was too concerned about MY dog today, or else I would have whacked you upside-the-head on the spot! What were you thinking, allowing that horrible hot dog to attack Opal?????!!!!! You had to see us coming.  You’re the same pinhead who was at the Tim’s coffee shop last week, aren’t you? You left that little lump of liverwurst in the entry way, between the doors! … where it barked, frightened old ladies and would not allow ME AND MY REGISTERED GUIDE DOG to enter!! My wise advice? Keep that annoying and hazardous poor excuse for a pet dog out of our way!

Blind people’s smart ass answers to stupid questions from sighted people

Yes, I know.   You all expect us to be polite and forthcoming when you ask us one of those typical stupid questions.  Surprisingly enough, there are times when some of us would like our privacy and space to remain uninvaded.   I have here, free for circulation, some useful smart ass answers to those stupid questions  sighted people ask  blind people. These are to be saved for those inopportune times when blind people find themselves trapped on a bus, train, aircraft,  or when attempting to eat a quiet meal in a restaurant etc.  

1.  QUESTION: Have you been blind all your life?  ANSWER: Not yet.
2. QUESTION:  You blind people have great hearing right?  ANSWER:  Pardon?
3. QUESTION:  Is that a Guide dog?  ANSWER:   No, it’s a drug detection dog. I’m a narc disguised as a blind person.
4. QUESTION:  Is that a Labrador? ANSWER: No, it’s a dachshund.
5. COMMENT:  I’d have to kill myself if I went blind.  REPLY:  Why wait?
6. COMMENT TO GUIDE DOG (working):  You’re sooooo beautiful. REPLY FROM HANDLER:  Thank you, but I’m spoken for.
7. QUESTION:  Those dogs are smart, aren’t they?  ANSWER: No, it’s pure luck that we get anywhere.
8. QUESTION  (directed to the person standing next to the blind person in a store): Does she need something? REPLY (from blind person): Yes, ’she’ needs to speak with your manager.

Blind Etiquette 101 for…Retail Businesses

Do you own a small retail business? Are you a manager or employee in a shop, grocery store or other retail outlet? Here are some basic suggestions to help you or your staff in responding to the needs of your customers who may be blind, or partially sighted. First, think about the physical space in you store. Make it a firm policy to keep floor space clear of boxes and other obstacles. If you have any say in design features, such as lighting and signs, consider inquiring about what can optimize your site. Local organizations for the Blind, may be able to provide you with suggestions of specific types of lighting and how to use them, as well as other ways to create contrast (strips on steps etc.) Signs on bathroom doors should be a combination of large print, tactile symbols and Braille. Building standards and codes vary from place to place, however there are all sorts of Accessibility guidelines and checklists available from many sources, which can help you make your store or business accessible to EVERYONE. It can be daunting, with measurements of counter height and doors for wheelchair accessibility, automatic door openers, ramps, TTY access, etc. but try and think of the overall picture: If someone in a wheelchair, or someone who is Blind or Deaf, were to visit your store, what barriers would they face? ‘People skills’ is usually the aspect of accessibility, which creates the biggest barrier for people with disabilities. For people who are Blind or have limited vision? Here’s what you need to know: Identify yourself as a store employee, before asking a blind or partially sighted customer if they want help. OFFER assistance first (No grabbing of the arm etc.). It could be that the person does not want or need help, so don’t take a refusal personally. If they do want assistance, ask what they require. They will tell you what they need, or how they want to be guided (take your left arm etc.) If you are giving directions, be SPECIFIC. For example, “The washroom door is ten meters away at ten o’clock”, and not “Over there”. If I had a buck for every time I was told something was in that mysterious place called, “over there”, I’d have enough to buy a small condo. If the person has a Guide dog with them? know the do’s and don’ts that pertain to them (no petting, no talking to the dog, no eye contact…) and abide by them.  Also be aware of Access laws that protect Guide dogs and their handlers and allow them entry into your business (this extends to other properly qualified service dogs). The dog does not know where to find Ladies lingerie, so the handler might want to take your left arm and go ’sighted guide’, or have the dog “follow”. It’s up to the handler in the specific situation. In a grocery store, Blind people have some unique, preferred methods for shopping. Realize that they can not read labels, or aisle markings. Whoever is available to be a ’shopper’ (clerk who is helping), should have a good knowledge of the store and where everything is located. My biggest frustration in grocery stores stem from ’shoppers’ who can’t find anything, and take me and Opal through a 2 hour odyssey. That’s not fair to the dog. It’s also frustrating to have a ’shopper’ who has little knowledge of what constitutes a ‘good buy’ in produce. I may have access to the online ‘flyer’, but I have no idea what is actually available in the way of produce in the store when I get there, how much it costs, or if it is any good. Packaging makes it impossible for me to smell or feel the trussed-up package of green beans or asparagus, so I am counting on the ’shopper’ to tell me what’s available, how it looks and how much it costs…in a timely fashion. No two ways about it, the art of description requires some thought and practice on the part of store clerks. If the blind customer has a large number of items on the shopping list, the challenge is even greater. Many people who are blind, (with or without a guide dog) will take hold of the shopping cart while the ’shopper’ pulls the cart from the front. That way, a five foot-wide berth is not required to accommodate the cart, customer, ’shopper’ and Guide dog. A good ’shopper’ will advise of tight spots and turns. They will think ahead to where things are located in the store, so that there is no need to wander back and forth in the store. I try to plan for a maximum shopping time of forty minutes, for Opal’s sake. People don’t realize that a grocery store trek is one of the most challenging parts of her job. Smells, food spilled over on the floor, people trying to pet her, and the stop-and -go of the whole adventure is most difficult. She prefers working; being able to “find the bakery counter” at my direction, in a local store (actively working) over a situation where she is in harness, yet not guiding me in the store (when we go for a large number of items that require the help of a ’shopper’ to locate them). Paying for items? Cashiers should (for everyone) say aloud, “out of twenty” when handed a bill. They should put the change in the customers hand, and then give the receipt. If a signature is required for a credit card payment by a blind person, the easiest way to accomplish this, is for you to place the card directly beneath the ‘line’ where they must sign (as a straight edge guide). If your customer with vision loss is taking a cab from your store, try and have someone watch for the taxi, so that they actually know it has arrived (cabbies should know to get out of their car, or at least announce themselves, instead of pulling up in an area where other cars are coming and going when the person waiting can’t distinguish one car from another…but they don’t necessarily). I tend to avoid shops that are so packed with stuff that I can’t navigate. Special displays everywhere create an obstacle course for someone using a white cane. With a Guide dog, a person may be able to work around stuff, but still require adequate manouvering room. If the aisles are too narrow because of bins and displays, Opal can not take me through it, if the space is not there. One thing I emphasize with my blind friends; when someone does an exceptional or even adequate job of assisting you, fuss it up a bit, maybe even tell the manager. When service or access is not adequate, point out the shortcomings. I would love to see all businesses, big and small think about Acessibility issues. I don’t like to refer to my right to shop where I choose, as ACCOMMODATION, but rather, as EVERYDAY INCLUSION. Ask your local service organization for the Blind to give your employees a little ‘blind people relations’ skills talk. Check for pamphlets that they might have for distribution. Create a space where everyone feel welcome and people will come back to spend more money in your place of business. Remember, that they will probably tell other people about their experiences too (good or bad), and THAT has even broader implications.

Guide Dog’s Top Ten

I love numbers, pneumonics…anything that helps me remember important stuff.  Of course, if what I need to remember, has something to do with dogs or Guide dogs, I enjoy my memory aid even more.  So, here is my personal Guide Top Ten:  a checklist to ensure I’m doing OK with Opal.

•  0- Zero people food.  I do not give Opal any handouts from the table. Giving a guide dog food, other than its rations, is not a good idea, because you must keep their weight within a close range, AND,  your dog  might get the idea that any food is fair game, including that twinkie she spots lying on the street as you are working across an intersection. You want to get across safely.
• 1- One person in charge. That would be me, in Opal’s case. I am the only one allowed to give commands and make rules. I am ‘top dog’, ‘Alpha’, ‘leader of the pack’, etc.
• 2- Two meals. I must provide The Girl with two squares a day, usually around the same time.  The ammount is consistent and would only change if her weight had changed. The brand and type is between me and our Vet. It’s not a good idea to be switching a dog’s brand and type of food without a valid reason involving a health issue. “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.
• 3- Three poop bags in my pocket: I don’t want to get caught without my bags. I never know when Opal might have a ‘two-parter’, or even a ‘three -parter’on one trip outside to relieve. On the road? Who knows.
• 4- Four feet: Opal’s feet are critically important. I wipe them dry on rainy days. I use a small container of warm water to dip her paws into after coming in from travel on salty sidewalks. I have four boots for her to wear on bitter cold days.  I check her four paws for cuts, blisters, or any debris that might get stuck to them (chewing gum, tar).
• 5- Five Point Grooming: Check ears(smell) and clean, if necessary (labs have drop ears which are a natural incubator for bacteria that cause infection)… use a tissue to wipe shmootz from eyes…. explore mouth and gums, and brush teeth with a finger brush and DOGGIE paste…comb and brush coat. Explore body at same time for irregularities…examine feet again.
• 6-  Check Opal’s ’space’ for these six points… accessible fresh water in her bowl…NO access to garbage or food lying around…toys and bones should be checked to see if they are intact and safe…bedding should be clean and dry….Is there anything tempting in range? like socks, rags, medication, electrical cords, cups of boiling hot tea? Dogs have been known to get ill or die from bowel obstruction after swallowing a sock or facecloth. Others have chewed ‘puffers’ (asthma inhalers) and died. Hot drinks can burn.  Dogs are individuals. One might be attracted to one danger, another dog to something different…Equipment. Her gear, including leash, play collar, and harness (girth strap, handle, chest strap, reflective sleeve,  buckles etc.) should be checked for state of cleanliness and damage that require repair. 
• 7- Seven toys on the go at any given time: It’s tempting to flood a dog (or kid) with a houseful of toys. They don’t need that many.  Put some away and switch them around to keep your dog interested. Some toys last longer than others. Some are poorly made and dangerous. Others are just plain boring. (Just because YOU like it, doesn’t mean your dog will be impressed).
• 8- Eight opportunities for Opal to relieve on a typical day: Weather, health (mine and hers) will  alter this number on occasion. If I have a bad flu, it could be that I take her out only five times. If she has diarhea…
• 9- Nine items in the Disaster Bag: Ok, chances are that we’ll never need the Disaster Bag, but I leave it hanging by the door, just in case.  Consider what you might want in yours, if a fire wiped out you house or apartment.  Taking care of a dog if you have been wiped out would be difficult, but with these things, life can continue.  In our bag, I have… Opals ‘papers’ including Health book, microchip number, and other vet records…dog food in an air tight bag with a dish…a bone in a sealed bag…a  toy…a cassette recording of all my important phone numbers…a print out of Opal’s contact information (Canadian Guide Dogs for the Blind, family) and instructions for her care in case of my demise…medication and ID (for BOTH of us)…crank radio…cell phone…and a grooming brush.  I replace items as required.  (I also have some things for Lucy the cat). When the fire alarm goes off in the building, I do not debate if I should leave, or what I should bring with me.  We are outside with the Disaster bag in short order.  It’s good practice. Hopefully we will never need our DB.
• 10- Ten minutes to rest: I give Opal a break after every 45 minutes or so of working in harness.  She needs a chance to rest her mind.

I know I started with Zero and that’s actually eleven…but ‘top eleven’ doesn’t have the same ring to it.  

“Puppy’s Rule of Twelve”

I have often wondered how my guide dog, Opal, got accustomed to some of the things she faces in our travels. She doesn’t mind a bus whizzing round a corner near her head.  Working her around a construction zone is no problem. Hospitals, grocery stores, malls are taken in stride.  She LOVES escalators.  My girl is a busybody…fascinated by trucks, people, animals, airplanes overhead etc. She spends as much time looking out the window, as our cat does!  Guide dogs start out as puppies too. They are raised by generous and caring families who are willing to take in a little bundle for a set period of time. Then they part with them, hopefully sending  them on their way for training as guide dogs.  Some dogs make it, some don’t.    Guide dogs schools (and there are many in Canada and the United States) usually have a ‘puppy raising’ or ‘puppy walking’ program.    I found this on the Guiding Eyes for the Blind  web site, on the puppy raising program information page.     Margaret Hughes is credited.  She created a wonderful set of guidelines about what puppies should experience before 20 weeks of age, in her book, Positive Puppy Training.   She says that puppies are most willing to try new things before they are 20 weeks old.  To socialize puppies, she suggests exposing them to a variety of experiences.  Be sure the experiences are safe and positive, she adds.  Accompany with praise.  Here are the Puppy’s Rule of Twelve:   By the time your puppy is 20 weeks old, it should have:

•  Experienced 12 different surfaces: wood, woodchips, dirt, mud, puddles, deep pea gravel, grates, uneven surfaces, a table (ie. Vet.) etc.
• Introduced to 12 different objects: toys, big and small balls, hard toys, funny sounding toys, metal items, statues, balloons, etc.
• Experienced 12 different locations: front yard (daily), other peoples homes, school yard, shopping plazas, lakes, pond, river, boat, basement, elevator, car, moving car, garage, laundry room, kennel, etc.
• Met and played with 12 new people (outside of the family): include children, adults, elderly adults, people in wheelchairs, walkers, people with canes, crutches, hats,sunglasses, etc.
• Exposed to 12 different noises (ALWAYS keep fun and watch puppy’s comfort level-don’t want it to be scared): garage door opening, doorbell, children playing, babies screaming, big trucks, Harley motorcycles, skateboards, washing machine, power boat, clapping, loud singing, pan dropping, horses neighing, vacuums, lawnmowers, birthday party, etc.
• Exposed to 12 fast moving objects (don’t allow to chase): skateboards, roller skates, bicycles, motorcycles, cars, people running, cats running, scooters, vacuums not on, children running, children playing soccer, squirrels, cats, horses running, cows running, shopping carts rolling, etc.
• Experienced 12 different challenges: climb on, in, off and around a box, go through a cardboard tunnel, climb up and down steps, climb over obstacles, play hide and seek, go in and out of a doorway with a step up or down, exposed to an electric sliding door, jump over a broom, climb over a log, bathtub (and bath), etc.
• Handled by owner (& family) 12 times a week: hold under arm (like a football), hold to chest, hold on floor near owner, hold in-between owner’s legs, hold head, look in ears, mouth, in-between toes, hold and take temperature, hold like a baby, trim toe nails, hold in lap
• Formal GEB Body Massage done in 12 different locations
• Eaten from twelve different shaped containers: wobbly bowl, metal, paper, plastic, Kong, paper bag, from your hand, etc.
• Eaten in 12 different locations: back yard, front yard, crate, kitchen basement, laundry room, bathroom, friend’s house, car, school yard, bathtub, up high (on a cardboard solid box no more than 1 foot off the ground) etc.
• Played with 12 different puppies (or safe adult dogs) under supervision.
• Left alone safely (in crate) away from family and other animals (5-45 minutes) 12 times a week.
• Left alone safely (in crate) near family members (5-45 minutes) 12 times a week.

Take Time To Smell the Roses

It is a lovely day in Halifax. I have been stressed out and busy these days. Today, I will take time to stop and smell the proverbial roses. My dog insists. When I am stressed and distracted, Opal is too. She deserves better. My Guide dog (like most dogs) mirrors  my mood and anxiety level.  Yesterday, I was not as patient or focused as usual while we worked down a busy downtown area. Neither was she.  Dogs are a lot like small children, in that they need to feel that the ‘top dog’ (that’s me, in opal’s case) is in charge,  and that top dog will consistently provide calm leadership. It is reassuring for dogs (and children) to have rules. They do so much better with routine and consistency in their lives.  Don’t think for a second, that dogs don’t have an emotional response to an angry, impatient voice.  Of course, humans will be humans.  We carry a lot of ridiculous worries around in our head and use our interaction with our dogs as a means of expression.  Opal, like any child, does not understand or care that I am unprepared for next week’s meeting, or that I don’t have enough money to buy some items I think I need, or that I feel guilty about not doing my Spanish assignment, and that these things are stuck in my head.  She DOES know when I am ill, fearful, stressed, angry etc.  She shows her concern if I am sick by being quiet and staying close.  She expects little from me, other than food, shelter, love and kindness.  I do the best I can. When we’ve had a bit of a bad day, I try to give her (and myself) a chance to regroup the following day.  So, on that note, I am going to shut down this blog for today, and take my dog out for a romp in the snow…my version of taking time to smell the roses. 

Responsible Dog Owners Quiz

There’s nothing that puts a burr under my saddle like irresponsible dog owners and handlers.  When I hear of a situation where a dog has either been ill treated, or allowed to behave inappropriately (an extension of ill treatment, if you ask me) my blood pressure rockets.  Here’s what boggles my mind;  if you can’t accept the responsibility that is involved with owning a pet dog, or handling a service dog, then you have no business having a dog in the first place.  It’s simply not enough to love the dog.   Before you entertain the idea of getting a dog, you must be able to answer YES to these questions:

• Do I REALLY want a dog in my life, or am I just romanticizing how ‘nice’ it would be to have a dog?
• Can I afford to take care of dog?  Will I be able to pay for food, routine Veterinary care like shots and flea and worming medication, grooming costs, and the unexpected veterinary costs if the dog is ill or injured?
• Am I willing to commit to giving the dog an opportunity to relieve at least six times daily, in all weather  including snowstorms and heavy rain?
• Will I have enough time in my life (work, meetings, social life) to ‘walk’ or adequately exercise the dog every day?
• Do I have the patience to see a dog through training, on my own or with someone who has expertise?
• Will I be willing to ‘pick up’ after my dog ALL THE TIME?
• Am I willing to admit that dogs will be dogs, and therefore I must keep my dog on leash whenever there is a possibility of putting my dog, other animals, or people, at risk?
• Can I get over any disdain I may have for dog hair, or dog slobber?
• Will I find the time to groom the dog regularly?
• Can I deal with another animal in my home that might have an ‘issue’ with a new dog’s presence?
• If I get a new puppy, do I realize that I will probably need to be around the house a great deal initially and I will not get much sleep at first?
• If I adopt or rescue a shelter dog, do I realize that the dog has a ‘past’ and I will need a lot of patience before it adjusts? And I can’t mold this dog into what I precisely choose?
• Will I make ’sorting out my dog’ a priority at all times? (dealing with the dog immediately to ensure that the dog is safe, secure, and not annoying someone)
• Do I accept that not all people like dogs? that some are afraid of them? so I must see to it that I respect their feelings by keeping my dog in check?
• Do I swear that I will never yell at, hit, or otherwise strike my dog in anger?
• Will I take immediate action on complaints about my dog? including barking or property damage?
• If I live in an apartment or flat, does my lease permit me to have a dog?
• Am I willing to do whatever I need to ’safety proof’ my dog’s environment? including installing gates or fences, stowing the delicate coffee table ornaments forever, putting away medications, modifying location of garbage, and other accessible items?
• Are my children ‘old enough’ to have a dog in their lives?
• Will I do some research on dog breeds before I go out and get a dog which might turn out to be the wrong one for me?
• Will I be consistent with the dog’s ‘rules’? (it’s not fair to give the dog permission to lie on the bed one day, and deny it the next.)
• Will my life be  fairly stable? or will I be relocating often, travelling on business most of the time etc?
• Will I stay away from ‘puppy mills’ and other ’side of the road’ dog dealers?
• Will I engage with my dog routinely, by playing, fussing with, and loving him or her?

These questions are a guide for anyone thinking about having a dog in their life. I hope I scared a few out of ownership…for the sake of the dogs out there waiting for a home. They deserve responsible people in their lives. 

More Blindness 101

•  Do not assume that the blind person you are talking to knows who you are. When you meet a blind person (let’s call him Max), let him know you are there (and not a passerby) by identifying yourself. Contrary to popular belief,  blind people do not Carry a foolproof audio Rolodex in their head. It is especially difficult to recognize someone’s voice, when it appears out of context. Max might be accustomed to hearing Mary at the church social every Sunday, but if Mary runs into Max at the grocery store one day, Max might not be able to figure out who she is.  Her voice is out of context. In a place where people are all about, Max can’t be expected to know who wants to say something to him unless you single yourself out. Max may be blind, but he is not necessarily deaf or mentally challenged. There is no need to shout or use monosyllabic words.
• PSST!!! Not all Blind people read Braille. In fact, it is estimated that only 10 to 25 % of Blind adults read Braille.  With technology offering ‘talking’(screen reading) software programs such as ‘Jaws’, and ‘Guide’, Kurswell  software for audible scanning, and DAISY (digital audio information systems) discs revolutionizing ‘talking books’, Braille has been given a run for its money.  Personally, I like Braille. It is like the old days…me and my book in silence.  But it is huge….literally.  Braille books are bulky and take up a lot of shelf space. Not only that, but if you pile heavy stuff on top of your Braille book or magazine, the raised dots will compress.  That makes it difficult to read.  Braille has two forms or levels: Uncontracted (formerly known as Grade 1 Braille) and Contracted Braille (formerly known as Grade 2 Braille).  Uncontracted, to put it simply is longhand.  Each letter (Braille cell comprised of a different combinations of six raised dots) is used to spell the word.  Contracted Braille is like traditional penned shorthand, and just as complicated!  I find it very handy for labeling bottles, c.d.’s and everything else I need in my life.  One more item on Braille…it travels ‘post free’ or ‘free matter for the blind’.  Yeah, a good deal. I’ll tell you all about Access to Information Rights sometime.    

Shiny Girl

The most frequent comment people make about my Guide dog, Opal, is: “What a beautiful/good-looking/gorgeous dog!”  It usually is followed by:  ”So shiny”,  ”glowing coat”, “like a mirror”.  Some ask if she just had a bath.  To this I emphatically reply, “NO, I groom my dog daily, but NO BATHS.”  There is no good reason to bath a dog, unless they get into something very unpleasant, like oil or poop. My sister’s border collie is off-leash sometimes and seems to zero in on the first available pile of dog poop.  Rolling around in it gives him great pleasure. My sister? Not so much. She hoses him down in summer, and hauls him over to the groomers for a bath.  Most city dogs are usually on leash at all times, so access to stinky or foul things is limited.   A dog’s coat contains oils (like your hair).  Regular grooming (MINUS THE BATHS) will ensure that the dog’s coat is maintained. Nature will take care of keeping it shiny. A good dog food will help  (stop the people food handouts!)  Daily grooming has other advantages.  It will give you a chance to know your dog’s body and if there are changes.  A little lump or scratch can be taken care of immediately, when you might not otherwise notice for a while (health check).  Also, the dog will become accustomed to being touched all over.  This is a good thing, because one day, you might need to fuss with an ear or other body part, in an attempt to insert drops or change a bandage. Finally, grooming time is very relaxing and grounding for both the animal and the groomer.  So why are people dragging their dogs off the get bathed so often?  First, the professional  grooming business is huge in North America.  They’ll have you believe that you simply MUST wash and fluff Fido, if you really care. Millions of dollars are handed over to the industry… in exchange for what?  allieving owner guilt?  a dog that develops a lacklustre coat? a dog that might go through a needless stressful time in a ’salon’ environment frenzy?  a dog that smells like…something other than a dog?   Maybe it’s because I am with my dog all the time, but I LOVE her smell. I find nothing offensive about Opal’s smell when she’s wet.  I  don’t object to her breath either. Could it be that those people with dogs as pets, instead of a working dog like mine, don’t have the opportunity (left behind when at work or shopping etc) to really get to know and appreciate their dog’s smell?Some might think that I ’spoil’ my dog with attention and care.  Yes, I do care for her.  I cary water in my backpack for her. I towel her off when she’s damp. I put boots on her if necessary, or clean the salt off her feet immediately.  I don’t work her in extreme temperatures.  I play with her every day and give her an opportunity to ‘be a dog’.  I ensure her safety and emotional comfort.  I provide routine and consistency in every aspect of her life…work, sleep, meals, rest, play, grooming,  discipline.  Dogs need and appreciate this routine and consistency. In exchange?  Opal is the gift that keeps on giving. 

Blind Etiquette 101

Sure, you’ve seen Blind people before. Maybe you’ve watched a guy walking down the road using a white cane. One day you were at the food court in the mall and you observe someone with a guide dog eating their lunch a couple of tables over. Maybe, one day,  you spotted a Blind person getting onto the elevator in the office building where you work.  Some sort of vague thoughts pass through you’re mind. Hmm, you think. I wonder how the heck he knows where he’s at.  You stare, with guilty fascination at the lady eating in the food court.  Your eyes move from her, to the dog lying quietly under the table.  You sit at your desk with your computer screen displaying the latest work project and your mind goes back to the guy getting into the elevator.  If he can’t see a monitor?… And one day, quite unexpectedly, you have your first up-close, face-to-face, gotta-interact-with-a-Blind-person situation. Oh, my gosh!!! What now? You’re clueless.  You want to help, but your mind is blank.  You’re worried about doing or saying the wrong thing.  You’re out of your comfort zone and nobody enjoys that.    In these days of excessive political correctness, and the hype about “inclusion and rights”, it can be daunting. Relax!!!  I’m here to ease your mind and to provide you with an ongoing course in ‘Blind Etiquette 101′. I’m not the Voice Of The Blind, but I can help you out. Let’s begin with some general facts, opinions and suggestions. 

•  Some people with visual impairments have no vision, however, other people who are legally Blind, have some useful residual vision (RV). I’m going to use ‘Blind’ to refer to all of the above. 
• Blind people are multi-dimmentional, with unique and varied personalities, backgrounds, knowledge, skills etc.
• It’s OK to use words like: watch, see, read etc.  when you are with a Blind person. (I ‘read’ audio books)
• Blind people do not have better hearing. We just use it more effectively.
• Sometimes, Blind people require assistance, sometimes we do not. Do not pull on a sleeve or grab at an arm.  Use your normal tone of voice to inquire if the person wants assistance.  They will tell you the best way for the situation.  If guiding, let the Blind person know about steps and curbs and if you are about to step up or down.
• If you are asked for directions or the location of an item, do not say, “over there”.  That is useless. Be as specific as possible.  Indicate the number of blocks, or estimate the distance in length (10 yards, 20 metres), or  use an imaginary clock to indicate position, from the Blind person’s perspective (“it’s at your 2 o’clock). That works for food on a plate too.
• When helping a Blind person find a seat, approach it with them and allow their knees to lightly touch.  Tell them if it is an arm chair, bench or other. Perhaps you could tap the seat area with your hand.
• Personally, when someone is passing or overtaking me on the sidewalk or hallway, I appreciate an audible indication…”passing on your left” or any sound…not essential, but pleasant. I find it a little creepy when people slink by me.
• In a crowded space, like a  meeting hall or party with a blind person?   Let them know if you are wandering off. Also remember that it is preferable to provide them with a tangible surface as a reference point, like a chair or wall. It’s more comfortable than standing in a loud,open environment.
• Honking your car horn at a Blind person is usually not at all helpful because they don’t know if you are honking for them, or another car, or indicating that they should cross the street, or indicating that they should stay put!

That’s it for today’s class in BE101. Come back for more tips this week. 

Tragedy hits Wise Advice Chief

THIS JUST IN!!!!  Tragedy hits Wise Advice Chief.  Reports from Halifax indicate that a heavy object hit Wise Advice Chief, H.R.M.  on the head yesterday.  Described as a ‘freak accident’ by the self-proclaimed queen of advice-giving,  she was quick to announce that her injuries are not serious.  When asked for details, H.R.M. offered the following:  ” It happened in my living room.  I was assisting in the assembly of a newly purchased sculling-rower exercise device, when it fell on my head. The blood loss was insignificant, but the headache was a doozy!”   Messages are pouring in from around the world, as people express their concern and good wishes.  Wiseadvice press will issue updates as they become available. 

Mrs. Hampsterson’s plea for help

Dear Wise Advice,  my name is Eleanora Hampsterson. I live in the lovely village of Come-By-Chance, Newfoundland.  Things here were quite lovely until last week.  That’s when the lady next door, you know who I’m talking about, eh? the lovely redhaired lass with the nutty dog?  Well she comes round to the door, see. Banging and hollering like a wounded seagull.  So I says to her,  ”What’d that old, nutter of a husband do now?  Has he landed his truck in the sea again?”   She shakes her head and comences to flailing her arms, pointing to her front yard.  ”Dearie, there’s nothing there”, I tells her.  Only after I be giving her a lovely cuppa tea to calm her, does she explain her worries.  She’s right excited still, but gets out a crazy yarn…something about her dog, (it’s a lovely big beagle) not wanting to step on the grass. Have you ever heard such a thing!!!!???  So I says to Netty, (that’s the poor soul’s name)  ”Netty, your talking foolish, dear. Just give that dog a lovely bisquit and send it on it’s way.”   After seven more cups of tea, she was near to convinced that her dog might be willing to step on the grass. Good enough, I think.  Off she goes, don’t you know.  So I commences to putting on a lovely pot of fish chowder, as my dear husband, Alfred, is about to come through the door.  Alfred expects a nice meal on the table, don’t you know.  Just as I’m cutting up the cod for my chowder, a shriek, the likes you’ve never heard, startles me so bad that I drops my cod on the floor.  Miss Lucy (our lovely cat) dives after it like a starving gull and drags it off before I can nab it back!  The shrieking, which is getting louder by the second, is coming from Netty’s house. I gets my gumboots and mac on and goes over, fearing the worse.  I’m half expecting to see poor Netty half dead and all tore to bits! What do I find?  Well I never would have believed…!!!! So you see, dear, you need to be sending one of those crisis teams I been hearing about. Spare no expense; bus, lunch money, for the lot of you.  We’re desperate here in Come-By-Chance.  Be sure to dress warm, eh?  It can blow a bit on the ferry crossing.  And would you be kind enough to bring some of those lovely Peak Frean chocolate bisquits from the Mainland? Mrs. Eleanora Hampsterson 

URGENT!!! HELP ME, WISE ADVICE….

URGENT!!! Dear Wise Advice, my neighbour, Mrs. Hampsterson told me that you always come through in a crisis.  I don’t know where to turn. My life is a shambles. Recently, my dog, Big Beagle Boy, has been acting strangely.  He drools excessively at odd times and has developed an intense fear of walking on grass. To make matters worse, my friends have stopped coming over. They say they are “busy”, but I KNOW it has something to do with Big Beagle Boy. Can you help? Dismayed in Newfoundland.Dear Dismayed, Thank you for your recent service request. In order to assist you, we require the following information:1-  Does Mrs. Hampsterson live in a duplex or a detached bungalow?2- Has it snowed in Newfoundland this morning?3- How many cats reside with you? 2?more than 7? 4- Have you been playing much John Denver music lately?5- Do any of your ‘friends’ work for the Canadian Government?In the meantime, we will dispatch the Mobile Unit for Drooling Dog Investigation (MUDDI).  With their expertise, Big Beagle Boy will be coaxed onto the grass, or at least the pavement. Above all, REMAIN CALM! and have Mrs. Hampsterson make you a lovely cup of tea.Biff, Juliette, Buzz and Regina (WA intake staff)