Dog People

There are people who self-identify as ‘Dog People’.  “I’m a cat person” others say. Then of course, there are enthusiasts of animals in general as well as sects people whose entire world revolves around one creature in particular;  monkeys, spiders, reptiles, fish….

But how can you spot a ‘Dog Person’ ? (assuming Fluffo is not by their side). Chances are, the clothing they wear is a dead give away.  If Bubba sheds like a bandit, obviously the Dog Person is covered with dog hair but even the most meticulous of Dog People can’t hide it. You’ll see them absently picking at the dog hair on their clothing from time to time.  They probably have a Miracle Brush in their desk drawer at work. Dog People often have a wardrobe that is… um, unusually casual. They own a large number of  ratty pants, old windbreakers and sturdy shoes.  Many keep that special non-dog outfit in the back of the closet, sanitized and ready to haul into service for a funeral or wedding.  Me? I don’t own clothing without pockets. Where would I put my poop bags and kibble if  my clothes had  no pockets?     When you climb into  Dog Person’s car, you will see further evidence of Trixie.  Maybe there’s a cage-like grill to contain her to the back of the car and restrain her from jumping on Dog  Person’s head while they are motoring down the highway.  Some Dog People even have a canine seat belt for Fido.  There is likely a lot of dog hair in the car too, along with things like old towels, blankets, dirt, plastic water dish and toys. Examine the car windows. Note the nose prints all over the glass. You’ll see the same nose prints in the windows of Dog Person’s home too.  When you visit Dog Person’s home,  you’ll notice other stuff there too… a minefield of bones, toys, and miscellaneous objects that Buddy has strewn about.  The furniture? It’s probably as casual as Dog Person’s clothing (Note: this does not apply to Park Avenue princess lap dog owners who manage to keep their home and clothing pristine) .  When Dog Person apologetically invites you to sit on their  sofa (and you KNOW they will give you the standard dog hair disclaimer), you might notice a faint (or not so faint) odour which you realize is the legacy of Sandy.  Dog Person seems oblivious to this odour. In fact, to them? it’s mildly pleasant. As you gaze around  Dog Person’s home, you also note a bizarre array of dog-related paraphernalia. There are blankets, a dog bed, bowls, leash, collar, grooming brushes, toys, a big bin of filled with Rex’s food, more toys, dog medication on the shelf in the kitchen, bones, dog treats,  a dog house outside, special fencing, and even more toys… You also note the state of disrepair of Dog Person’s home. When you ask them about the hole in the living room wall, they stare into space and mumble something about Pixie’s ‘separation anxiety’ issues.  Above the hole in the wall, is one of the seven ‘dog callendars’ you have spotted so far in the house today. Chances are, it’s specific to the breed of Dog Person’s best friend. It matches the dog image on the coffee mug in your hand which you are drinking out of, as well as the pillow behind you on the smelly couch.  During your visit to Dog Person’s home, you will remember these dog theme objects and make a mental note to buy your Dog Person friend something similar for the office gift exchange next Christmas.  Now you know why Dog Person always seems to be talking about their dog. Clearly, they are obsessed.  If the weather is cool and your Dog Person host has provided you with slippers to wear ( or is that just a Canadian thing?), you wonder why the slippers are partially shredded.  It becomes crystal clear to  you when Rover enters the room with a half-mauled object in his jaws.  Rover brings it to you, eager to play. He drops the slobber-filled thing in your lap as Dog Person apologises once more. You start to say to Dog Person that you don’t really mind, when suddenly, you realize that the disgusting thing on your designer pants is actually your favourite, authentic Tilly hat.  Dog Person apologises some more and offers to replace it,  but you decline graciously.   You decide to take your leave from Dog Person’s home. You  carefully step around the dog toys and other stuff on your way to the door. Dog Person explains that they have a number of  baby gates in the house because of the dog, and that they don’t actaullly have a baby.  You cut through the yard, detouring  around the dog house which Mindy has never used, carefully avoiding any rogue dog poop piles and holes dug in the lawn.  As you pull away in your car, you hear Dog Person whistle and cheerfully say, “come on Albert, let’s go for a pee”.


3 responses to “Dog People

  1. I am total dog person. But my dog, a Lhasa apso, does not shed nor does he have that doggy smell. He’s a doll!

  2. Aren’t you the lucky one! (I was speaking in generalities and trying to get a smile out of people)

  3. Hey, I don’t remember you having visited me!? This is all too true.

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